7 years ago in the month of June, my life changed in various different ways. The summer of ’04 is one that I’ll always hold close to my heart. A lot of good things happened for me then. Looking back now, things are sooo different, obviously. Yet, I sometimes wonder if I’ve changed much. I know I have, but I wonder, if I’m still that same person I once was.

The summer of ’04 was when I feel my life really began, in various different ways. It was when I finally got my freedom, made some new great friends, and the one that sticks out the most, fell in luv. Lol. So cliche I know, but one always remembers those little frivolous things. I can’t really say that how I felt was really reciprocated. In a way it was, and I am forever grateful for allowing myself to be brave and take a chance. I’ve just been thinking about it lately. Summer is here again and I’m looking at making some more changes, of course.

I dunno, I’ve been thinking about the whole love thing and I can honestly say that in the romantic/intimate sense, I’ve only really truly been in love with one person. I have loved someone else, but it was a different kind of love. It was the kind you give a really good friend, or someone you trust and hold dear to your heart. How is it that sometimes people say, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”… I’ve had that and I totally understand.

Yet, in this culture that I’m a part of, men just love soo freely! I see friends, and friends of friends jumping around, running circles around me and falling in love by the weekend’s start and then moving into a relationship by the end of the weekend and then saying they’re bf’s by the end of the week. I see many people rush into things and I wonder how can one do that. How can you rush into something so blindly, say your in love, start a “relationship” and just go. I guess it’s what one calls taking a chance on love. I don’t know. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t call someone I haven’t known more than a month my boyfriend, let alone say “I love you” and change my Facebook status to “In a relationship” or whatever. I guess I’m too critical. I’ve dating a few people, but just never really pursued them. I know I’ve run away from some, and ended a few more. I’ve used the excuse “I’m not ready for a serious relationship” so many times that it feels like one of those breakup lines like, “it’s not you, it’s me,” which I have used too by the way. And perhaps I’m not ready, and yeah, maybe I haven’t met the right guy, or my timing has just been off. Who knows. Ricky always tells me that it will happen when it will happen. And I’m not really wanting it to happen anytime soon, per say. Put it this way, I’m not actively looking for a relationship, but I’m willing to give one a shot if it comes along. God, I’m so confusing and conflicting. Dark and twisty! lol

Whatever, I think I just let my mind go and my fingers do all the typing. I hadn’t done that in a while. I have been feeling a little nostalgic too lately. I was looking through some old pics. Oh how time has changed. I’m looking to keep on changing things though. Definitely looking to move forward. I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of sideways maneuvers… Things are starting to look up though. I’m wanting to continue this self improvement thing too.

I’m thinking I want to take a trip to visit Ricky at the end of Summer. I need monies though, so we’ll see. I’m needing to start saving money and put it aside for when I move. I hoping that I can find a place by the end of the year. Hopefully one that will allow my two mutts!

Man, it’s been 7 years since I graduated high school. And I’m still in school. Grr. I’m getting closer to that fucking degree though. I just don’t know how I’m going to do it when it’s time to go to SDSU. How am I going to balance my time, money and everything else while working full time! If only I won the lottery! That would make life so much easier. Whatever people, money CAN buy you happiness. If you spend it right that is.

Speaking of spending it right (lol) I went shopping today and got me a bunch of shirts, jeans, and what not. One Two of the shirts are Star Wars shirts so I’m so going to wear one of them to work tomorrow. Eeeshk! See, I need me a dorky boyfriend that will understand my excitement in these kinds of moments. LOL

Gonna go watch Weeds tomorrow hopefully because the Season Premier was today and I didn’t get a chance to go up to Sincinitas and catch the show. I love WEEDS! And I LOVE Nanc Botwin! Ha ha, I love… =) LOL

It’s Sleepy Time!

Advertisements