I have been stuck. It’s as if I have a permanent writers block on my head. I started the school semester excited and “prepared” and ready to take on the challenges set forth… Two months in and it’s already kicking my ass though. I wasn’t prepared to not be engaged. I like my classes, I really do. I am actively listening, taking notes and asking questions, but it feels that as soon as I leave so does everything I just learned. In trough one ear and out the other.

I feel like I can’t focus. My mind is shooting like about 100,000 thoughts a minute and I can’t keep track of all of them. I’m sitting there in class, listening to my teacher and then thinking about this and that, and remembering that I forgot to this and that, and I’m lagging here and there. It’s all just so overwhelming. I wish I could just take a whole week just to catch up with everything.

In reality though, it’s my own damn fault. I have no one else to blame but myself. I really need to create a system or something to start getting more work done for school. I’ve been really bad at my time management these past couple of months and It’s starting to show. I got a C on one of my tests and a D on the other one! GRR! So pissed of because they’re not that difficult of classes (ok, maybe biopsych is), but I have all the tools in front of me to do good, I’m just not doing it.

I have a lot of reading to do and I really really need to get my ass in gear with this. I need to really stop being distracted by the little things. And It’s not like a I have a lot going on. Yeah, I’m busy, but I just need to really manage my time better.

I’m gonna start a schedule that I’m going to have to follow because I’m not getting shit done. I also need to incorporate some gym time there because I’m not being healthy and I’m so fucking sick and tired and frustrating about complaining about not doing good and school and not seeing any results in loosing weight but not really doing about it at the same time.

It’s like I expect to do good just by attending class and I expect to loose all this weight just by sitting on my ass and I seriously have to call BULLSHIT! I’m just all sorts of frustrated and annoyed. Mainly angry at myself with reason. At the same time, I can’t be mad at myself because I only bring myself down and I’ve had a lot of down time in the past thanks to other shit and drama that I don’t need to bring myself down too. I just really need to get my ass going. I have to know that I am smart and that I can do this, but what I really need to do is apply myself, work hard and stop being a lazy ass! Enough with justifying all this freedom and leisure time. I need to be strict on myself and start doing what I need to do. I think I’ll need to do a schedule or a board or something like that. Damn “H” key on my fucking keyboard, and all the other key’s that have decided to stick. What the hell. I feel like I’m having to type everything so fiercely! GRR! Maybe I should `just by a separate keyboard because this one is starting to stick.

I was about to have a major bitch fit and totally throw my laptop against the wall and be done with it because this bitch decided to freeze on me. Luckily, WordPress saved a draft of my blog and nothing was erased. Grr. I’m seriously all sorts of angry at thyself and therefore angry at the world. It’s easy to blame the world for my problems, but knowing me, nothing is easy, of course! Maybe I will do what one of my facebook buddies commented about going to Wal-Mart to find motivation. Obviously, I’m seriously not going to go to Wal-Mart to find motivation, but that website Demotivational Posters come to mind.

Yeah, I need a schedule. I need to go to bed now tough. Starting things up again and I’m gonna wake my ass up at 530 in the am to go for a run. I’ll probably not want to wake up, but as I said, I’m tired of not doing anything and watching my life pass me by. It’s time I start being proactive and start doing and working hard for what I want. I am so going to drive to work tomorrow with my middle finger sticking out of the window! What a beeotch! Man, it feels good to vent and let that inner bitch out. I go to bed now a lot more content. Ni ni world!

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